Golf Vacations

Nikki K asked:


Our relationship is mostly happy and we are very close. My husband said he first felt depression as a child. He was on Prozac 2 years ago, but not currently. Throughout our relationship he’s had a difficult time dealing with work related stress. He quit working for someone else all together and started his own business, which is currently making no profit.

With no work right now, I know he’s bored and frustrated because we don’t have much money and since its winter, we aren’t getting out as often as we would like to. He is visibly agitated and it doesn’t take much to make him cross. Today he wanted to go camping but would leave me early the next morning to go golfing with a friend, so throughout the coldest part of the day, I would be hanging out in a tent with our little dogs. One is hairless so I would spend my time trying to keep her warm ’till he returned. I also have this brain issue that contributes to very poor circulation; I get really, really cold. Anyway, not fun for me.

Later in the day he was very grumpy that I didn’t want to go camping, though he was the one to tell me it would probably be too cold for our little family and we should wait for warmer weather. I said I would go, he said no. I don’t feel at all at ease with the way his stress/depression is manifesting its way into our relationship. We have been married just 1 year though our relationship spans 9 total.

Earlier this morning we had an issue because he wants to spend two days at http://www.breitenbush.com/ hotsprings. He asked if it was OK with me and if I would take care of our dogs while he went. This would be the weekend before his annual 7 day road/camping trip w/his friend. I told him this solo hot springs trip made me uncomfortable. He’s very angry that I’m uncomfortable with him going alone. I feel like he’s just searching for ways to stay entertained, even to the detriment of our relationship. I was really hurt after he became so aggravated. I told him I would go w/him when we find someone to stay with our dogs and that I would do my own thing while we were there. That didn’t make him feel better.

What else? He is 40 and I am 27. He gets angry if I suggest finding a job or if I suggest anything he might do with his time. I love that he does his own stuff. I always encourage him to camp, raft, go to football parties and bars (even the naked ones!) when his friends want to go. I like his group of buddies; I cook for all our gatherings… I encourage him to go to the gym and take classes, buy books and research what interests him. He often takes 4 or 5 flights a year to visit family and friends without me, which is great. I never want to inhibit his growth or education but I think it’s OK for me to make my own limits known.

Breitenbush might be fun to explore, but as a couple. We’re married. I know he’s super sad lately and that makes me even more uncomfortable with his vacation idea. How do I fix this without being a nag or a prude or a selfish woman? Part of me was sad that he wanted to go have this experience without me. It would never cross my mind to go to some little naked oasis without him. I’m kinda sensitive and I know he isn’t. Now I feel sort of depressed myself! Like I missed something important or I acted wrong. He is just so unhappy.

What would you do? What should I do?
i’m not going to negotiate my point. he has so much freedom to grow and have fun in and out of our relationship. i draw the line at hangig out with naked chicks without me. of all the little vacation destinations near us, why here? i feel like he’s trying to pick a fight because he’s bored.

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